He sits in the corner of my room. Yellow eyes and pale skin. Looking supernatural, not of this world. The vile language spews out like acid, burning holes into everything that surrounds him. How could this creature get in my room? What did I do to invite him in? How did I allow this to happen?
The terrible things it says to me. You are a liar! You are not good enough! You are a fake!
Nonstop day after day, year after year, this creature lived with me. Sitting in the corner of my bedroom every night, as my family was sleeping.
He would wake me up at 2:32 am most nights. Like a bolt of lightning hitting me as I lie in bed. Sweat running down my back as I soaked the bed in my sleep with perspiration. I would jolt out of bed from a deep sleep, looking around for the beast and yes it was there.
When the creature got tired of attacking me directly it would use subversive tactics.
Did you pay that bill yesterday? Did you lock the front door? Was the contingency date in that contract tomorrow, or did it expire yesterday?
I use to spend so much time, effort and emotion lying to myself and to others. “How you doing?” someone will ask
And what is the typical response?
“Just fine!” while forcing a smile. In the meantime, I got news my Mom has Alzheimer’s and I have to figure out what how I am going to take care of them as well as my wife and kids.
I like most folks I know are always a work in progress. Working toward continual improvement.
I am currently reading a book that is part of a life learning system. The title, The Warrior Book by Garrett J White. In it he shares what he and others that follow him had to admit to themselves.
Stop f**ing lying!
He starts with a code and the first initiative is to Be Real. This means to see the facts for what they are. Be honest with yourself. Don’t look at your situation as the way you “wish” it was or the way you “want” it to be.
Recently this truth came in a self-evaluation of my physical capabilities.
In the past, I have run over twenty marathons and a slew of half-marathons. My average marathon time was between four hours and thirty minutes to four hours and forty-five minutes. I have not run a full or a half marathon in over two years.
I am mentally prepared to start training for a half-marathon. First, I had to be honest with myself and the others that I run with.
I had to come to grips with the fact that in my current condition I would be running closer to a five-hour thirty-minute marathon pace.
This was a hard realization. “The old gray mare ain’t what she use to be.” Was a song my Dad would sing and my running career reflects the song.
Does this mean I won’t strive to improve? That I won’t train to get stronger and faster? No!
It means I have to look at the facts as they are and take action to make a change. Will the change happen overnight? No! Consistent training and dealing with the small week to week, month to month improvements is the path that lies ahead.
Sometimes in my business, I have to have this honest conversation with my buyers and sellers. This may be the house you wish you could have but this is the house you can afford without becoming “house poor”. Or . You may think your house is wonderfully decorated but that purple wall has got to go.
Does that mean that my client can’t take action to improve their finances or change the color of the wall? No! Again, consistent action, even incremental action can make a world of difference.
I’ll keep you posted with my running progress. The new marathon training season starts on June 4th!
We all may want to wish the facts are different. To get to the finish line though we have to be True Blue.
Live, Love, Matter